:(

is it possible for my sister to let me have my moment without stealing the show. my life fails.

where am i?

Well where am I?
To be specific, I am at work and it is 11:26 AM on December 5, 2011.
But, where am I in regards to my life?
I think maybe the biggest rut I have ever sunk myself into.
I am stuck at a technical school.
I did not get into Clemson for next semester.
And that makes me feel like a failure.
I am broke, as always and working my life away.
I don't get to do the fun things with my friends because I am always working.
Not that it really matters, but my love life blows.
My apartment sucks and I just want to get out of there.

Things that are good in my life...
I have been making lots of friends, mostly guys, which is great because I get along with them more.
I got a car donated to the Clemson Sports Car Club, which is awesome.
I am fortunate enough to be able to make a donation of lots of fun toys for toys for tots!
I have a wonderful family that puts up with my shenanigans.
I have a great dog who I love so much.
I have found a perfect house that I would love to move into come this January.


anyways i guess this is me being in a frump practicing letting out what i want to change in my life and what is good in my life. I hope it starts to work.

And I pray for guidance and direction.

Breathe in for luck,
Breathe in so deep.

happiness

Where does happiness come from?
Normally people are happy when they are around their friends and family. Well what if one ruins that dynamic. How can that be fixed? I'm at my sisters wedding this weekend and I can't seem to even pretend to be happy. I am happy for my sister, but I am not happy being with my family. You have to love your family, but do you really have to like them? This is the way I am feeling toward my cousin Robyn. Last beach trip my family had she did something pretty unforgivable. She tried very hard to get with the guy I was currently with. Now I do not trust her, it seems like she is trying to get with all of the grooms men or rather any man, and I can't seem to just be happy around anyone cause it would be totally fake. Nothing is the same anymore, I can't help but to be mad around her and thing she is a horrible slutty person. I can't stand her. I will forever think of her as a slut when I see her with a man. I know this is horrible, but somethings just can't be forgotten and maybe not even forgiven. I'm done ranting back to wedding stuff.

Breathe in for luck,
Breathe in so deep.

look into the past.

As much as you want to forget things, you can't. And as much as you want something, sometimes you can't have it. As busy as I have been, I can't seem to shake the thoughts of past relationships and what went wrong and why things went that way. Was it me? Was it something I did wrong? I look back wondering if I had done something differently would I still want to be with that person? Would that person want me? Past rejection still lingers on...and can't be helped. Can it? Will the wondering ever stop?

Even though I love where I am in my life and I'm falling for my current boyfriend. I can't help but to wonder if that one guy still thinks about me. Does this mean I am not 100% over him? Or does that mean I find comfort in believing I was not 100% rejected.

Sorry even I don't even know what I'm talking about. shit well I guess I'm curious that things could have happened in alternate realities.


Breathe in for luck,
Breathe in so deep.

What a beautiful day, why can't my day be equally as beautiful!

Everything around me is beautiful today! The weather is perfect mid 80's with a breeze and hardly any humidity! Its gorgeous out! But yet I am under a huge rain cloud that is ruining this beautiful day for me! I am blessed with the people in my life and that I am able to attend college, but I wish it could be easier. I'm not worried about the material being to difficult, but financially I wish it were easier! Not having money is a road block. Right now I am stuck in the rut of paying rent or paying for books. Rent is winning. I'm sure everything will work out, it always does, but right now its not easy. The stress of school and work wouldn't be that bad if I didn't have to worry about every little thing I buy. But I guess that is life huh.... well anyways be back later.

Breathe in for luck,
Breathe in so deep.

well its been a minute!

So first call of business, I got a new job!!!!! wooo hooooo So I had my first day, at Outdoor Adventures! As excited as I was it was very boring!!

Second thing....I moved into my new townhouse! Well sort of. The management here sucks butt! And it was filthy. But it was a blessing that they were so rude and it was very dirty so my dad talked to the owner and so now I get to keep my dog here for free!! Its not like cooper could dirty this place any worse that it already has been!

anyways i'm a happy girl right now! thats all for now!


Breathe in for luck,
Breathe in so deep.

Fear of a name only increases fear of the thing itself.

name your fears.

Athazagoraphobia – Fear of being forgotton or ignored or forgetting
Atychiphobia – Fear of failure
Bacteriophobia – Fear of bacteria
Contreltophobia – Fear of sexual abuse
Dishabiliophobia – Fear of undressing in front of someone
Glossophobia – Fear of speaking in public or of trying to speak
Lockiophobia – Fear of childbirth
Misophobia or Mysophobia – Fear of being contaminated with dirt or germs
Mottephobia – Fear of moths
Parasitophobia – Fear of parasites
Philophobia – Fear of falling in love or being in love
Spheksophobia – Fear of wasps


http://www.go4quiz.com/866/list-of-phobias/

Breathe in for luck,
Breathe in so deep.

ugh...time to bitch

So all I want to do is transfer. Is that so much to ask?!?! College of Charleston will not send my transcript to TCTC so therefore I can't get my financial aid because they need my transcript to review my academic process. And to get my transcript from CofC I have to long into two different websites and fill out a bunch of bull shit. Problem is, I have no idea what my log in is nor do I know the passwords. On top of that, I can't get the log in or password because they are sending it to my CofC email which is no longer valid. Awesome! So I call the "help" number and of course the offices are closed! Even more awesome.

Ok done bitching.

Breathe in for luck,
Breathe in so deep.

introducing....

 My dog Cooper! He is a cocker spaniel/ chocolate lab mix. I rescued him last October (2010) from the humane society. He is the best 90$ I have ever spent! He was 7 months when i got him, so he wasn't a little bitty puppy. But I think that was a god send I didn't get a young puppy. Cooper was potty trained in 2 days! He is my baby!! One of the reasons I left my old schools was because my roommate/ high school best friend, decided we were going to get an apartment with a 20 pound animal limit. That did NOT fly with me because Cooper is a 40 pound dog! Anyways Cooper is very welcome with the new people I'm living with and will actually have a few friends to play with! And he is very excited to meet them! So anyways this man is the love of my life!

Breathe in for luck,
Breathe in so deep.

.....

So have you ever wondered what goes on all around you out of your eyes reach or even just behind you. Its an odd concept to think about. In reality we make believe what we think is going on in the rest of the world. Our brain builds a world that doesn't exist.

you know, food for thought. Bon apppetit!


Breathe in for luck,
Breathe in so deep.

Finding a passion...

I had a conversation today that really struck me today. I am a person who is very lost. I do not know where I am going, what my next step is, or even what I want to do with my life. The woman with whom I was speaking asked me a simple question. "Well, what is your passion?" And wouldn't you know I sat and thought for a minute and couldn't tell her anything. I don't know what I am passionate about. Does this mean I am not passionate about anything? Or have I not found it? Or will I ever find it? I like to think I am a passionate person. I am passionate about the importance of my family. I am passionate towards my friends and boyfriend. But occupationally, what could my passion be? What could I do for a living that I would do not getting paid. When I think of things I could possibly major in, I think of things I could be passionate about but how do you know? What if i get into something and don't enjoy it? 

Because I couldn't come up with something I am passionate about. I started to think about the things I enjoy. I enjoy art. But how could I incorporate art with a profession that makes a substantial living? I mentioned that I enjoyed painting and such and the women responded with, "Why don't you come by my agency and hang out for a few days." She told me she and her husband had an advertising agency and a lot of artists became add designers and used their creative ability to advertise.

Personally I think this is a wonderful idea. What a more perfect way to see if I could enjoy something, putting me right in the action. And if I don't like it, well, at least i ruled it out.

Breath in for luck,
Breathe in so deep.

Ok, so a lot of things have changed in my life but, my job has not. Its not that I don't like my job, its great I guess. Though in the summer it just gets very boring. Though I may not have this job for much longer. Once I move in to my town home in Clemson I will hope to have a new job so I don't have to drive as far. Anyways if you haven't guessed I'm at work right now.

Okay so, this whole blogging thing is new to me. I'm not sure if I'm quite comfortable talking about myself so much its an strange experience. So for now I think I'm going to find something to ramble on about.

So my sister is getting married! And I couldn't be happier for her! Her wedding is going to be on October 1 on Edisto Beach. Its going to be a very relaxed close nit family wedding with some very good friends. So pretty much its going to be a good time! I am the maid of honor, more like maid of horror. I am 4 years younger then my sister and am new to this whole planning wedding showers and stuff. So basically i have no idea what to do!  And not to mention the speech I have to give. Everyone expects the maid of honor to say something sappy and to make up for the drunken best man speech. I'm not that great with speaking in front of people. And the crowd is very diverse between both my parents sides of the family and not to mention the grooms family is 100 percent different then both the sides of my family, so how do I please everyone with one heart warming maid of honor appropriate speech. Oh and I forgot to mention that I absolutely LOVE the man my sister is getting married to. I couldn't ask for a better brother-in-law! I say lets just forget the whole -in-law part, I already feel like he is my brother and they aren't even married yet.

So the bachelorette party is another thing I am mildly worried about. I mean I'm not yet 21 but I can get alcohol taken care of. That isn't the problem. Nor is getting into bars, that I can do as well. I'm more worried about what we are going to do. I figure we will go to downtown Charleston and go to some bars. But my sister doesn't want any of the penis crap that is normally done. She says no crowns, no penis's, no sashes, nothing to make it look like we are actually having a bachelorette party. So I had an idea, but I'm not sure if its stupid or not. What I was thinking about doing is, having all the brides maids get together and think of a list of things she has to do before we go home for the night. Such as get a gay man to buy her a drink, or break out in dance in the middle of kings street, or get up and sing with a band performing at a bar. She wants a clean non stripper or nasty kind of bachelorette party. I don't blame her at all but it makes my job a little harder. Honestly I just don't want to let my sister down!


Well this is enough for now! Be back later I'm sure.

This is my sister and I! We get a little crazy sometimes!







And this is my sisters fiance and I. We love each other too! YAY for my one and only BROTHER!!!







Breathe in for luck,
Breathe in so deep.

Saw this on a friends blog. Thought I'd share my favorites as well.


2. Crisp cotton sheets.
6. Sleeping in.
12. A hand written letter.
31. A glass of wine.
37. Wind in your hair.
40. The smell of lavender.
48. Singing along with the radio and knowing all the words.
59. Sunshine
63. The sound of rain hitting the windows. 
65. Holding hands.
69. Fireflies
73. The smell of fresh baked bread.
76. Smell of gasoline.
78. Love letters.
97. Your softest t-shirt.




Click here for 101 small pleasures. And find out what yours are!




Breathe in for luck,
Breathe in so deep.

turning over a new leaf.

Names Juliette, I'm 20 and this is my new life.

My life has been doing back flips changing so much lately! I am happy with ever choice I have made but becoming accustomed to them has taking me a little while. I have a new life. I left the old life.
Good bye USC Upstate. Good bye high school best friend. Good bye to a guy I thought I'd love.
I am a runner.  When the going gets tough, the tough doesn't get going. I run away. Once again I have run away from my troubles. But I have run into the arms of some amazing people.
I have picked up my life and moved it to Clemson! Go Tigers....ehh not so much I'm still a USC fan!

So this is my blog to document my new life because I am sticking to this. My running life is over.



Breathe in for luck,
Breathe in so deep.