My heart hurts, my heart hurts every time I disappoint him. Every time I let my emotions get to me I hurt him too. I'm sorry Kevin. I love you with all my heart and I am trying to change and I know it doesn't look like it. It is a constant fight within myself when I get insecure. Just know I love you so much and don't give up on us….i won't.

Kevin and I sort of spent our first Thanksgiving holiday together! Kevin drove in late Wednesday night and spent the night with me and then headed to his parents house for Thanksgiving. I had my Thanksgiving at my house and then drove to GA to Kevins parents house. I got there and Matt and Twesh were there as well as both of his parents! But most excitingly the new puppy Molly. She is so cute! I fell in love with here as soon as I laid eyes on her! We went over to Tweshs parents house to drink some wine and hang out! I got to meet Kevins friend Nicole she stopped by with her boyfriend and stayed and chatted for a little while. They left and we started looking at the sale papers. It felt like it was super late, but really wasn't we were just all ready for our Thanksgiving sleep coma! The next day we had a lazy morning in the house and slept in. Of course Ike made us a great breakfast! Before we knew it, it was time for lunch and I got to meet Kevins grandfather and his grandfathers brother. We had another thanksgiving lunch and it was super yummy! After lunch we hung out and played with the puppy. Laying on the couch I started to not feel very good. I had a lot of sinus pressure and pain and before I knew it I was full on sick. :( I tried not to let it affect me and kept on. Ike made us chili for dinner and then we went and saw the Hunger Games, Catching Fire. It was really good but I couldn't focus very well because I was sick. The next morning Kevin, his parents, brother, and I went to Ihop for breakfast. We ate then headed back to the house to chill for a little while. Then we headed to my house. Driving separately which kind of sucked. I had to stop and get gas and my sweet Kevin parked his car and walked over pumped my gas for me and washed my windshield so I wouldn't have to stand out in the cold! Such a sweet man! When we got to my house we dove into some left overs! We hung out for a bit then headed to the grocery store to pick up a few things for dinner and some beer. We got home and drew had already thrown the steaks on the grill and dinner was about ready. So I got a dinner with Kevin, Weslee, Drew, Mason, Mom, Dad and my Mama I was a happy girl! So much love. After dinner mom and I got the christmas tree up and I helped put the lights on and mom put the ornaments on. Kevin noticed I was getting a little overwhelmed and having anxiety so he whisked me away to my room to let me relax. He is so good to me. We ended up watching the movie Heat in bed just the two of us which was great because we hadn't gotten much one on one time together this trip. The next morning Kevin and I went and got Ihop for breakfast and just spent time holding hands and being happy together. Before I knew it, it was time for Kevin to head back to base. For whatever reason I couldn't hold it together saying goodbye and he just held me and let me be a big baby crying in his arms. I decided that I was going to come see him in two weeks because a month is just a little to long for me to go without seeing him. I miss him so much already! 

These past few weeks have been kind of rough for Kevin and I. It hurts so much when we aren't quite on the same about things. And my anxiety and jealousy hasn't helped matters. I just pray we get back to where we were. Or better yet better than we were because we got through this hard time. I'm looking for a good outlet, but I haven't found one yet. sigh. I really just want things to go back to normal. It hurts so much being like this and feeling like this. Kevin has been so busy lately and he hasn't really made much time for me and when he does he is too tired to even talk. It makes me so sad…. I just want to be the girl he wants to talk to at the end of the day and I'm not and it sucks. We lost our simplicity now we are confusing. I feel like he has zero patience with me and all I want is to explain and that just pushes him away. And some how somewhere we are just missing the mark and its causing arguments and constant fighting. I'm starting to think we just need some space apart from each other. So we both can remember what it is we love so much about each other. What parts of each other we don't want to live with out. Things we miss the most and focus on that. Just focus on being happy we have each other again not taking anything for granted. Now that I am able to think a little clearer I don't think its 100% this new girl in his life. I think it was just a trigger for the things in our relationship that need work. I need to feel needed, and he is so independent he doesn't need me. He doesn't need me to be just fine in his life. He could go on without me and be just fine. He doesn't need me, but I need him. So I guess this new girl has brought out my insecurities and showing me I need a little bit more from him, I don't want him to just be okay with me pushing him away. Feels like he is just done trying to understand for me. idk more later on the subject. Spewing my mind on here is better to him because he hates this kind of stuff and it pushes him away and makes him resent me. awesome.

This weekend I went to see Kevin for no other reason than I missed him and we needed to see each other. I had a low week with to much going on and we lost some of our communication. We need some  "us" time. So we planned a weekend with absolutely no agenda. I got off work on friday around 5:00 PM and left ASAP. I ended up getting to Cherry Point around 12:30AM and I met Kevin at the Hampton Inn I always park my car at because we stay on base and I can't drive on base. We got back to the hotel and went right to bed. The next morning I wake up to Kevin making me breakfast! He made bacon and eggs, what a sweet man! We ate together and got ready for the day taking our time just enjoying our time we have together. We decided to go into New Bern to the farmers market. We walked though hand in hand being all cute and in love. We came across a bee keeper selling some of his honey and he had some bee's in a little hive thing he was showing everyone what goes into keeping bees. Kevin seemed to be kind of interested or rather it was pretty cool to learn little things we would have know idea they existed. I got distracted by the actual honey, because I love honey, and ended up buying two honey straws. We wandered around a little more eating our honey straws. Got to see a mini horse, goats, chickens, rooster, baby pig, and a turkey. We explored New Bern more and went into a little book store. We reminisced in the kids book section, I started reading a little bit of a Junie B. Jones book and Kevin thought it was funny! After that we headed to Morgens Tavern for drinks. I got a cocktail and Kevin got a big Porter. We also ordered a spinach artichoke dip and honey croissants! It was delish! We walked back to the car being silly.... I was enjoying my little buzz from my cocktail. Then we headed back to the hotel. We stopped and picked up a few things to make for dinner and picked up a movie. We got back to the hotel settled down and watched the movie, which was a horrible movie. But during the movie I started to get a head ache. I thought eating would help so Kevin made me pork chops, with sautéed onions, squash, and zucchini. It was so good! We hadn't realized we were so hungry. After I made myself some hot chocolate and we watched tv for a little while. After a while my head started hurting even worse so I asked Kevin if we could turn the tv off and try to fall asleep. We did and Kevin fell right asleep and I feel asleep for about an hour. I woke up in the worst pain I'd ever been in, I was experiencing my first migraine. I waited as long as I could to wake Kevin up but I didn't know what to do. I called my mom and she said migraine meds and a washcloth for my head. Kevin jumped on it heated a washcloth up for my head and ran to walmart to get me meds and a coke. Did I mention it was about 3:00 AM!! What a sweet man! He got back and I took the meds he heated the washcloth up again and finally I fell asleep. I woke up feeling back to normal the next morning. We slept in because of the craziness from the night before. We started getting up and realized we need to hurry because it was 11:00AM and we had to check out at 12:00. After we showered and got packed up we realized it was day light savings and we got an extra hour! Kevin was so cute he instantly got excited and bounced around saying we get another hour together! He was being so cute, I love him so much! So we headed out to Morehead City for lunch. We went to a restaurant called the Ruddy Duck Tavern. We had a great server that sold us both on a special and two good beers! We drank our beers on the dock before our food came. Kevin ordered a pumpkin grits with shrimp and bbq! I had a monster burrito with pico de gallo and quacmole on top! It was so good! I powered through half of it and Kevin was so excited cause that means he got to take the other half home! We ended up getting dessert and argued over key lime pie or banana cream pie. I won with the banana cream pie! And Kevin ended up being really glad I did! It was so good!! After that we headed to the beach and set up chairs and enjoyed being out there. I made a mini sand castle and kevin made fun of me it was so great. The weather was perfect! I couldn't have asked for a more perfect day with him. But before I new it I had to start the long drive home.

Looking at beautiful houses with beautiful views in Seattle, what I would give to just get up and go. Even though I'd probably never be able to afford one of those beautiful houses, but I could be happy in that beautiful area. But so much of my life is here, I don't ever think I could ever leave. Although its fun to imagine myself there.

1. puppy breath
2. roller coasters
3. when someone says they are proud of you
4. pay day
5. snow
6. good morning messages/ texts
7. my room after I clean it
8. baby toes and fingers
9. warm water on cold feet/hands
10. cracking glow sticks
11. catching someone smiling to themselves
12. the sun on my face
13. extra long hugs
14. getting a 100 on a test
15. swimming at night
16. snuggling on rainy days
17. when people are protective over me
18. getting lost in a book
19. finally seeing someone i've missed
20. unintentional puns
21. freshly shaved legs
22. crackling firewood
23. fireworks
24. back rubs
25. buying the perfect gift
26. great teachers
27. sand between my toes
28. love from my dog
29. making a reference and someone gets it
30. first warm day of the year
31. the smell of yummy food cooking
32. smell of the ocean
33. knowing the answer to a question no one else does
34. tears from laughing so hard
35. full moons
36. moment before a kiss
37. hand written note
38. getting fancy
39. wrapping a present perfectly
40. being truly thankful on thanksgiving
41. taking a great picture
42. crunchy leaves
43. crossing something off my bucket list
44. getting my hair brushed
45. barefooted in the grass

This is one of the weekends I missed before I started posting! I think this one was in May maybe. Not sure but it was the first time Kevin came home to see me!


This was the first weekend Kevin came home to see me! He got to my house Friday evening and I had decided to make him dinner and was almost finished when he got there. His mom was jealous she wasn't going to be in town so Kevin took a lot of pictures to send her. He just didn't tell me when he was taking it and caught me in awful faces. And of course he took a picture of my mom and of the filets before and the whole finished product. We had filets with mashed potatoes, asparagus, and a salad. After dinner Kevin and I left for some alone time and I wanted to show him around where I grew up. So I took him to downtown Greenville. First stop was ice cream from Marble Slab. Kevin got chocolate, of course, and I got coffee. Next I wanted to take him to falls park....except I got turned around and we ended up having to GPS it...I was going the wrong way....oops. But I showed him the cool bridge and the river. Next I wanted to look for a spot to sit and talk because I brought my outdoor blanket. We found a secluded place near the bed of the river. We ended up laying on my blanket and talking/kissing/snuggling for a few hours. By the time we got back we were both exhausted and we showered and got ready for bed. At this time Kevin was staying in the guest room. I didn't want to leave his side yet so I snuggled up with him and he ended up falling asleep with his hand on my back. Then I had to get up and go to bed.
The next day we got up and went to Kevins parents house. His mom was out of town at a horse show so it was just his dad that was there. Kevin showed me around the house and told me stories from when he was a kid! After we got settled we headed over to his brothers house and I got to re-meet Jeffery and meet his wife Brittany. We hung out for a while, drank some margaritas, watched this comedy program Jeffery had recorded! Oh and Kevins dad Ike ended up coming over. Oh and I met Donny Jefferys snake...I didn't like his head to get near me but I could touch his belly and tail. After that Kevin and I headed back to his house to get ready to go to dinner. Both of us jumped in the shower and got ready. I got completely ready without letting him see me. And I got kind of dressed up for the occasion hand a little black dress and I think he liked it. We ended up meeting two of his friends Matt and Tami at this really awesome Taco joint. Where also a few of Kevins old friends work. After dinner we went for a beer run and then met everyone back at a friends apartment. Got to meet a lot of Kevins friends, drank a few beers, then we headed back to Kevins house. That night we ended up pretty much snuggling and kissing all night! I swear we didn't want to waste a minute of our time together on sleep! That next morning Ike made us breakfast and then we headed out to a nursery because it happened to be mothers day and Kevin wanted to pick out some flowers for his mom. On our way there Kevin stopped at a QT to get a milk shake....thats the red straw in the first picture. We walked around the nursery hand and hand and picked out his mom some daisies. We hung out with Ike for a little while when we got back, but Kevin had a long drive a head of him and we had to get on the road. On our way back to South Carolina we talked and laughed. The last picture is Kevin singing to me in the car. I believe the song was Everything by Michael Buble. It was so cute! I loved it! We got back to my house and I had to say goodbye which is the worst! I'm awful at it and Kevin hates that I get so sad. But he left and I was sad anyways then I realized I couldn't find my phone....and the last time I remembered seeing it was in Kevins car. So I called Kevins mom and had her call Kevin to have him check to see if my phone was in his car and it was....so we ended up meeting back at a gas station so I could get it! So I got to see him one more time! So that made me happy!

Almost forgot this picture.... we were just goofing off before we left for my house that sunday. Isn't he the cutest?

I went to see Kevin this past weekend! I went to his new base in Havelock, NC. Its cherry point air station. I got there late Friday night because there was bad traffic and I hit a curb and had to get a part fixed on my car. But I ended up getting to the great hotel he got for us around 11:00 PM. He helped me carry all my stuff up to the room where he had a Chickfila sandwich and a coke waiting on me. Not only did he have it waiting on me but he placed everything on the table in a way that it made a smiley face. He is such a sweet little dork! FYI chickfila is my favorite fast food ever! So we ate and then snuggled and were happy to be together. Kevin had to get up really early to go to work and I woke up with him and stayed awake as he got ready. I got to see how he got ready for work and put on his cammies. He is so cute when in his uniform! He kissed me a billion times before he left. I went back to sleep for a while and got up around 8:00 AM and got ready, went and ate breakfast, had my car looked at after the long drive, and still had a little bit of time to kill. So I drove around exploring a little. I found downtown New Burn and fell in love. It was so cute and quaint. Finally around 9:30 Kevin called me and told me he was headed back to the hotel so I raced back trying to get there before him, which didn't happen. We headed back to the room, he changed and I promptly made him take me back to down town New Burn. He had never been down town either so we parked and decided to explore on foot. We found a few cute antique shops and walked through a farmers market. New Burn is on an inlet river, I think. And we walked to the water and looked at all the boats. It was a beautiful day, not to hot with a perfect breeze. We were walking down the sidewalk and just stopped and hugged each other. One of those big I love you hugs and then kept walking. A few strides down the sidewalk a man walking with his daughter, with glass bottles of pepsi in hand, stopped and asked us why we had a spontaneous hug while walking down the sidewalk. Kevin answered "Because she drove 7 hours to see me and its been a while since I've seen her." I'm glad he answered because the only thing I could think of to say was because we are in love and I would have sounded like a cheesy sap. We walked around a little bit more then we had to go meet Kevins friend Dan to pick up some cigars Kevin had ordered. Dans kids were cheering for a peewee football game, so cute. So we met him there and hung out with them for a while. All the little girls were doing cartwheels and stretches, and Kevin prompted that he couldn't do a cartwheel. So we had one of the little girls trying to teach him how and he kept falling, he couldn't land on his feet. It was so funny! We left there and headed back to the hotel to get ready for dinner. We went to a place called Morgans in New Burn! We both got a yummy in house Porter. Kevin had a steak and I had a jalapeño cream cheese burger! It was delicious! After dinner we went to an ice cream shop and Kevin got chocolate ice cream in a waffle cone, big shocker there. And I got a kiddie cup of expresso ice cream! It was very yummy but Kevin over ate and felt awful! haha So I decided to tickle him it was great! He finally jumped out of the car! We laughed at him being a fatty! I even took the rest of his ice cream away so he wouldn't make himself even more sick! After that we went to red box and rented the movie Mud. Got back and played it, Kevin fell asleep. Which he was lucky he did because the movie was awful! We went to bed shortly after. The next morning we were lazy and got up slow and checked out of the hotel. We went for a late breakfast at IHOP. Kevin got some chicken crepe and grits, I of course got toast, bacon, eggs, and hash browns. After that we went to look for a dress for a wedding we have coming up. No luck at the awful New Burn mall so we decided to go explore downtown again. We found a nice little spot near the water front park and sat there and relaxed and talked a bit. We decided to go walk around again and found the place where pepsi was first made in an old pharmacy. We also found a cool episcopalian church with a beautiful outside chapel area. They were railroad tie benches with a stone floor with a simple wooden cross at the alter. There were old oak trees covering the area with tons of spanish moss hanging from them, it was a beautiful setting. We decided we wanted a yummy fruity drink. I wanted a frozen lemonade. So we were now on the hunt to find a place downtown that would have something like that. And we had no luck so we headed to taco bell and got a frozen pink lemonade. Also Kevin never had a churro so he had to try it so I ordered one and he loved it! They are so yummy. After this Kevin needed to find a barber shop to get a clean hair cut before the work week and we happened to find one right near our hotel. I sat with him while he got his hair cut. After that it was time to say goodbye and I made it long and drawn out, which Kevin hates, but I can't help it. And then I started my long trip home, except I needed gas and Kevin followed me to the gas station and pumped my gas for me! Then I started my long trip home. Kevin called me after about 5 minutes to make me feel better because he knows how much I hate driving away from him. And he thought if we could talk for a little while it would make it easier, and he was right. I  am so thankful for him and how thoughtful he is! I love him so much! I'll check back in when I see him next!

Cute picture from the weekend!

Breathe in for luck,
Breathe in so deep.

Well this past weekend was labor day weekend and my sweet Marine got a long weekend off and spent it with me! We went to the pickens county gun range and got to shoot some skeet and targets! Kevin did great, me....well not so much! We also planned a lake day with both our families since they are such good friends. So me, my parents, kevin, his parents, my sister, her husband, and my nephew all loaded up on the boat and spent the whole day playing on the lake. We had an absolute blast! It couldn't have been a more perfect day! We also went to a gun shop and bought kevin a shotgun he had been wanting so he was really excited! As soon as we got home with it we were out shooting targets in the pasture. I also had wanted to recreate a picture we had taken from when we were little so we sat on the back porch and took this photo until we got it right! how cute?!?

Here are some pictures from the boat!! :D

Breathe in for luck,

Breathe in so deep.

love just went and hit me across the face

i know it has been a while....not a big deal since no one reads. Anyways, love has found me or I have found love. Either way I am a happy girl! My last post was about reconnecting with a long lost friend...long long long lost friend. And big shocker when we met at the beach for the first time it was not short of love at first sight...well kind of since we have known each other since kids, but not really. We drove to meet each other at myrtle beach. I got there before him and told him to come find me and I dropped a pin where I was sitting (a park bench under the ferris wheel). I turned my head and looked behind me and thats when I saw him walking right towards me, finally I got to re-meet this man who I couldn't get enough of. Boy did we hit it off, we both are big fans of craft beers so he found a microbrewery/ restaurant where we ate lunch. Food and beer were great, company even better! Next stop was the beach. We decided to hang up eno hammocks under the pier. I brought two hammocks but pulled a fast one on him and only put up one. The day was kind of chilly so we snuggled in the hammock under a blanket. He was so sweet tickling my arm, playing with my hair, and planting sweet kisses on the top of my head. We were talking like we had known each other forever. It felt like we hadn't misses a second of each others lives. We talked about everything so effortlessly. Then we had the most amazing first kiss ever. He kissed me on the beach, in a hammock, hung under a pier, while snuggling. He kissed me with such passion and love I could feel it from my head to my toes and every cell between. And we also went to this little pub and split a sandwich and ordered some yummy beers. This is a picture of us in the pub.

This was the first picture we took together since we were really little!

And this 

This is something he tweeted after! SOOO CUTE!!

Since then he has come home to see me a few times and I have gone to see him a few times! Its been about 4 months and we have been dating for 1 month going on 2 this month. He makes me such a happier person I am so in love with him its not even funny!

I'm going to try to start blogging every time we see each other. and try to make up for the visits i haven't posted about.

Breathe in for luck,
breathe in so deep.