These past few weeks have been kind of rough for Kevin and I. It hurts so much when we aren't quite on the same about things. And my anxiety and jealousy hasn't helped matters. I just pray we get back to where we were. Or better yet better than we were because we got through this hard time. I'm looking for a good outlet, but I haven't found one yet. sigh. I really just want things to go back to normal. It hurts so much being like this and feeling like this. Kevin has been so busy lately and he hasn't really made much time for me and when he does he is too tired to even talk. It makes me so sad…. I just want to be the girl he wants to talk to at the end of the day and I'm not and it sucks. We lost our simplicity now we are confusing. I feel like he has zero patience with me and all I want is to explain and that just pushes him away. And some how somewhere we are just missing the mark and its causing arguments and constant fighting. I'm starting to think we just need some space apart from each other. So we both can remember what it is we love so much about each other. What parts of each other we don't want to live with out. Things we miss the most and focus on that. Just focus on being happy we have each other again not taking anything for granted. Now that I am able to think a little clearer I don't think its 100% this new girl in his life. I think it was just a trigger for the things in our relationship that need work. I need to feel needed, and he is so independent he doesn't need me. He doesn't need me to be just fine in his life. He could go on without me and be just fine. He doesn't need me, but I need him. So I guess this new girl has brought out my insecurities and showing me I need a little bit more from him, I don't want him to just be okay with me pushing him away. Feels like he is just done trying to understand for me. idk more later on the subject. Spewing my mind on here is better to him because he hates this kind of stuff and it pushes him away and makes him resent me. awesome.

This weekend I went to see Kevin for no other reason than I missed him and we needed to see each other. I had a low week with to much going on and we lost some of our communication. We need some  "us" time. So we planned a weekend with absolutely no agenda. I got off work on friday around 5:00 PM and left ASAP. I ended up getting to Cherry Point around 12:30AM and I met Kevin at the Hampton Inn I always park my car at because we stay on base and I can't drive on base. We got back to the hotel and went right to bed. The next morning I wake up to Kevin making me breakfast! He made bacon and eggs, what a sweet man! We ate together and got ready for the day taking our time just enjoying our time we have together. We decided to go into New Bern to the farmers market. We walked though hand in hand being all cute and in love. We came across a bee keeper selling some of his honey and he had some bee's in a little hive thing he was showing everyone what goes into keeping bees. Kevin seemed to be kind of interested or rather it was pretty cool to learn little things we would have know idea they existed. I got distracted by the actual honey, because I love honey, and ended up buying two honey straws. We wandered around a little more eating our honey straws. Got to see a mini horse, goats, chickens, rooster, baby pig, and a turkey. We explored New Bern more and went into a little book store. We reminisced in the kids book section, I started reading a little bit of a Junie B. Jones book and Kevin thought it was funny! After that we headed to Morgens Tavern for drinks. I got a cocktail and Kevin got a big Porter. We also ordered a spinach artichoke dip and honey croissants! It was delish! We walked back to the car being silly.... I was enjoying my little buzz from my cocktail. Then we headed back to the hotel. We stopped and picked up a few things to make for dinner and picked up a movie. We got back to the hotel settled down and watched the movie, which was a horrible movie. But during the movie I started to get a head ache. I thought eating would help so Kevin made me pork chops, with sautéed onions, squash, and zucchini. It was so good! We hadn't realized we were so hungry. After I made myself some hot chocolate and we watched tv for a little while. After a while my head started hurting even worse so I asked Kevin if we could turn the tv off and try to fall asleep. We did and Kevin fell right asleep and I feel asleep for about an hour. I woke up in the worst pain I'd ever been in, I was experiencing my first migraine. I waited as long as I could to wake Kevin up but I didn't know what to do. I called my mom and she said migraine meds and a washcloth for my head. Kevin jumped on it heated a washcloth up for my head and ran to walmart to get me meds and a coke. Did I mention it was about 3:00 AM!! What a sweet man! He got back and I took the meds he heated the washcloth up again and finally I fell asleep. I woke up feeling back to normal the next morning. We slept in because of the craziness from the night before. We started getting up and realized we need to hurry because it was 11:00AM and we had to check out at 12:00. After we showered and got packed up we realized it was day light savings and we got an extra hour! Kevin was so cute he instantly got excited and bounced around saying we get another hour together! He was being so cute, I love him so much! So we headed out to Morehead City for lunch. We went to a restaurant called the Ruddy Duck Tavern. We had a great server that sold us both on a special and two good beers! We drank our beers on the dock before our food came. Kevin ordered a pumpkin grits with shrimp and bbq! I had a monster burrito with pico de gallo and quacmole on top! It was so good! I powered through half of it and Kevin was so excited cause that means he got to take the other half home! We ended up getting dessert and argued over key lime pie or banana cream pie. I won with the banana cream pie! And Kevin ended up being really glad I did! It was so good!! After that we headed to the beach and set up chairs and enjoyed being out there. I made a mini sand castle and kevin made fun of me it was so great. The weather was perfect! I couldn't have asked for a more perfect day with him. But before I new it I had to start the long drive home.